She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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