You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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