I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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