Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
