I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
