U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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