I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
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