mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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