yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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