This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
