You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
