i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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