i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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