The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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