Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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