When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
