She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
