I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
