The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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