dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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