We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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