Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My legs feel like baby dolphins
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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