"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize