Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
