My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize