hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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