before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
