Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
