We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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