apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
