he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
