in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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