If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
