uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
