guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
