so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
