i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
