i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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