I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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