We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
