Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
