i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
