we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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