please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
