I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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