yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
