life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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