I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
