Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
