I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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