i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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