$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
