"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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