if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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