You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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