dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
