Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
