Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
