you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
