whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
