Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
