I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
