Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
